The Joy of Dating

As single people, we are so busy looking for ‘The One’ that we miss the joys of dating and the perks of having a well-rounded social life.-- Erin Tillman ‘The Dating Advice Girl’

Dating can be tough, but it doesn’t have to be! Too many people make it their only purpose to date is to find a relationship. Why? They spend hours online on one dating website after another, reading profile after profile, message back and forth for days, weeks, months… and then they go on their first date – the dreaded “interview” date - only to discover that this person was not who they thought. And so, again back to the drawing board, or in this case, back to the computer.

There are three major flaws with this approach and this way of thinking about dating. First, it doesn’t matter how well crafted a person’s profile is or who good they look in photos or how many hours you spent “talking” to them online. You will never truly know a person until you meet them, interact with them and spend some quality time with them.

Second, when the other person is hidden behind a computer screen, you read into that person what you want to see/feel/believe. You form that person into what you want him/her to be, not who they really are. Then you go into the first date with high expectations and high demands, which often leads to disappointment.

Third, when you’re focused on finding “The One” you often go on “interview” dates to quickly assess and filter out the candidates. But love and relationship is not like a job. The other person may meet all of your criteria and yet still be the wrong person for you. Personality, compatibility, chemistry, attraction – they come with interaction and spending quality time together. No questionnaire, test or match making algorithm can find you that “match.”
 

So how can you make dating fun? First, don’t worry about finding “The One.” It’s an endless job. Focus on enjoying your life and being happy. As a single person, many times there things you want to do but no one to do them with. Waiting to be un-single is not the answer. Just make it a date! Invite someone to go do the things you want to do. I.e. make it an “activity” date. One website, HowAboutADate.com, makes it easy for you to just post-a-date.

When you’re on an “activity” date, you both start with a similar interest, you both have something to do and to talk about, you both are more relaxed and the conversation is more natural. Discover how you two interact with each other and get to know the other person for who they really are. Let chemistry happen naturally. Go into the date with no expectations and you won’t get disappointed; you may even be pleasantly surprised. At minimum, you did a fun activity, had someone to do it with and perhaps even made a friend. You’re not sitting at home; you’re out enjoying and experience life and building your social circle.

In addition, when you’re doing the things you love, your personality shines. That’s when people are most attracted to you. That’s when love can find you. So get offline, stop doing the “interview” dates and go on “activity” dates. Get out, enjoy dating and enjoy life!

by Dao Nguyen
Founder and Social Instigator
HowAboutADate.com