How to escape the “Friend Zone”

This is a question asked by many guys and sometimes some girls too. “How to escape the friend zone?” The short answer is: you need to get her/him to see you in a different way, in a sexy and/or romantic way. But how do you do that? One of the best ways to accomplish this is to have the friend you’re interested in see you through the eyes of another who finds you attractive, romantic and/or who is interested in you.

Here is my personal experience that is a great example. I had female co-worker who had a guy-friend for many years, since they were in college. They did everything together and she would mention him often. BUT she always said that they were “just friends.” One day he calls her at work, which he does often, and I picked up the phone, since we didn’t have an official receptionist for our office. Being a woman myself, I noticed that he had a great voice, very deep, manly, and sexy. Few men have that voice. I meet him in person later and he was just average looking, very quiet, nothing impressive. I wasn’t attracted to him but I have to admit that he had a great voice. I told my friend that. She was surprised. She never noticed that about her longtime friend. Another female co-worker also agreed with me, that he had a great voice.

For a while, nothing seemed to have changed. She would let me pick up her calls so that I could hear his voice. That was nice but we usually didn’t have much to talk about.  About 1-2 months later, I notice them acting suspiciously when I went to pick something up from her house. Then I left the company around that time. Then 3 months after that I heard they were dating. One year later, they got married.  

Now, this method will NOT always work. A vast majority of guys/girls never escape the Friend Zone. It is better not to let yourself fall into the Friend Zone in the first place. From the beginning, try to get the person you’re interested to see you as attractive and/or romantic first. You can always be “just friends” later. Give her some compliments. “You have a beautiful smile” or “beautiful hair.” “That dress really looks nice on you.” Hold her gaze for just a few seconds longer. Open the door for her. Show her some extra attention and let her know that you’re interested in her. Ask her for her number.  Don’t leave it to chance.

Here’s another personal experience of mine. I recently made a new gal-friend and she invited me to “game night” at her house. It was a group of her friends and acquaintances. I met one guy there who I thought was kind of cute. I sat down near him and started chatting with him. We talked for about 30 minutes, both alone and with other people. There seemed to be some connection. Then the games started and everyone joined the big table to play together. After the games, I was saying my good-byes. He said, “We should stay in touch.” I said, “Okay, that would be nice.” I left the door wide open for him, but he didn’t ask for my number.  Instead he told me to Facebook him and spelled out his long name for me. Really?

First, asking me, a girl you just meet, to be Facebook friends is a huge RED FLAG. I wouldn’t invite strangers into my house, why would I invite a guy I just meet to see all my photos and conversations, and meet all my friends and family. NO. Second, he’s given me work to do to reach out to him? He’s not taking charge as a man to ask for my number and call me. Or maybe he’s just not that interested in me. In any case, he must have picked the safest route he could think of. And he fell into my Friend Zone.

Of course, I never friended him on Facebook. About a week later he did reached out to my gal-friend who hosted the game night to ask for my email. We did sent a few messages back and forth but it had already fizzled out. Neither of us put in enough incentive to see each other again.

In conclusion, when you first meet someone and you like them, be sure to flirt with them, pay them some attention, and let them know that you’re interested in them. Make sure to present yourself as boyfriend or girlfriend material, so that they will consider you in a romantic sense first. And don’t give them the option of being “just friends” … that can always come later.

Good luck!

by Dao Nguyen
HowAboutADate.com Social Instigator

The Joy of Dating

As single people, we are so busy looking for ‘The One’ that we miss the joys of dating and the perks of having a well-rounded social life.-- Erin Tillman ‘The Dating Advice Girl’

Dating can be tough, but it doesn’t have to be! Too many people make it their only purpose to date is to find a relationship. Why? They spend hours online on one dating website after another, reading profile after profile, message back and forth for days, weeks, months… and then they go on their first date – the dreaded “interview” date - only to discover that this person was not who they thought. And so, again back to the drawing board, or in this case, back to the computer.

There are three major flaws with this approach and this way of thinking about dating. First, it doesn’t matter how well crafted a person’s profile is or who good they look in photos or how many hours you spent “talking” to them online. You will never truly know a person until you meet them, interact with them and spend some quality time with them.

Second, when the other person is hidden behind a computer screen, you read into that person what you want to see/feel/believe. You form that person into what you want him/her to be, not who they really are. Then you go into the first date with high expectations and high demands, which often leads to disappointment.

Third, when you’re focused on finding “The One” you often go on “interview” dates to quickly assess and filter out the candidates. But love and relationship is not like a job. The other person may meet all of your criteria and yet still be the wrong person for you. Personality, compatibility, chemistry, attraction – they come with interaction and spending quality time together. No questionnaire, test or match making algorithm can find you that “match.”
 

So how can you make dating fun? First, don’t worry about finding “The One.” It’s an endless job. Focus on enjoying your life and being happy. As a single person, many times there things you want to do but no one to do them with. Waiting to be un-single is not the answer. Just make it a date! Invite someone to go do the things you want to do. I.e. make it an “activity” date. One website, HowAboutADate.com, makes it easy for you to just post-a-date.

When you’re on an “activity” date, you both start with a similar interest, you both have something to do and to talk about, you both are more relaxed and the conversation is more natural. Discover how you two interact with each other and get to know the other person for who they really are. Let chemistry happen naturally. Go into the date with no expectations and you won’t get disappointed; you may even be pleasantly surprised. At minimum, you did a fun activity, had someone to do it with and perhaps even made a friend. You’re not sitting at home; you’re out enjoying and experience life and building your social circle.

In addition, when you’re doing the things you love, your personality shines. That’s when people are most attracted to you. That’s when love can find you. So get offline, stop doing the “interview” dates and go on “activity” dates. Get out, enjoy dating and enjoy life!

by Dao Nguyen
Founder and Social Instigator
HowAboutADate.com